The month of weddings...

Oh, the challenge of a wedding. Going into the wedding celebration, with all of the planning, and excitement and dreaming,  its supposed to be about just the bride and groom. Right? I thought myself when I married my hubby, that the wedding was about the two of us, celebrating with our families and friends. I realized quickly, that a wedding based on just the two of us, created a one-dimensional view point of what was actually occurring. A wedding identifies a significant change, in the life of an individual, a couple, many families, communities, perhaps even a workplace, or two. A wedding changes your support system permanently - and through the process the support systems a bride and groom have in place will either grow larger, or shrink, depending on how the bride and groom handle the changes and challenges.From my observations a wedding typically shrinks a couple's support systems because they don't need anybody, they have each other. Then when a couple have a baby it increases their support system again, as a new life seems to offer opportunities to restore previously damaged relationships. 

Its not that I am arguing with anyone over the significance of the day for the bride and groom. Its a special, beautiful day. After I received my wedding pictures from the photographer, I discovered its hard to take a bad picture of a bride and groom, when they are so happy and in-love, it reflects in the photos (that was a relief). I think its important though to recognize, that the changes that have occurred and will occur, did not just impact the couple, and a strong predictor of whether a marriage will last is if the individuals, families, couples, close friends and confidantes in the bride's support systems are supportive of the marriage.

For example: I observed a couple that decided to get married quickly, the time from meeting to marriage was 8 months. Initially the bride's support system saw the couple as a good match. However, during the engagement, it quickly became clear that the groom was increasing his controlling and abusive behavior. When this was mentioned to the bride, she removed herself from her own support system and went through with the marriage. The marriage didn't last.