What if no one catches you, when you fall?

Perhaps one of my biggest fears in life, is what if I go through a dark, lonely period of time in my life, and there was no one there to support me? I guess I would say, "don't fear it, prepare for it." I got this experience out of the way in my early twenties. A senior in college, I worked two jobs and attended school full time. Due to previous reasons, my parents were themselves struggling, and there were no extra resources to share. I remember sitting in my efficiency apartment (a very icky, scary place), looking at the money in my checkbook, and the bills that needed to be paid, and wondering what I was going to do? I still remember that moment.....utter despair washed over me. I felt sorry for myself, for the change in resources my family had experienced, and if I could have wished away the past 6 years, I think at that moment I would have. This story has a beautiful ending.

At that moment, I needed $30.00 to pay all of my bills for the month. When God answers prayers though, he doesn't just meet the immediate need. If He is allowed, He will also meet the long-term needs. Within 24 hours, I was able to sell a few items I didn't need, and came back with exactly the amount I needed to pay the bill. Within 7 days, I had a full-time job lined up to start after I graduated. From this job experience, I have met caring and thoughtful people, whose friendship and opinions I value to this day.  These last 8 years, I have spent building up my resources, but without a doubt the one thing I recognize has greater value than all the others, is having a support system. Someone(s) to lean on, in times of trouble. I went through another dark time last year, but having a solid support system, helped to lessen the emotional blow immensely. Spiritually, I would not have grown withouth these dark times. Recognizing that sometimes God takes away my heart's desire, without showing me what He will give me instead, has led to increased faith. My church family is incredible as well - allowing me to share my journey on a weekly basis, unsure of where I will end up, but supporting me none the less.

There is a song that I cried through several times as I surrendered my heart's desire to Him. It was profoundly difficult, but in the end I am glad I let it go. Because if I am willing, who catches me when I fall, when no one else will? He does.

Words and Music by Robin Mark.
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.

All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into Your hands.

For it's only in Your will that I am free,
For it's only in Your will that I am free,
Jesus, all for Jesus,
All I am and have and ever hope to be.