Anything worth doing...

You know how parents are.... they have these sayings that you hear over, and over, and over and over again, and they don't make any sense. One of the sayings I remember my Dad saying is the following "Anything worth doing, is worth doing...... poorly." "Ok, whatever Dad"...  As I inched closer towards being 18, 19, 20 and 21, I was continually horrified at how many mistakes I could make. Mistakes relationally, spiritually, financially,  professionally and in school. Like when I hit a growth spurt at 12 and 13 and when I went to give someone (whomever) a hug, I stepped on their feet.  I distinctly have about 5 memories from that time period of visiting guests, where I stepped on their feet when hugging them. Embarrassing!!

I fortunately joined a company, when I graduated college,  that for the time I worked for them, upper management had a specific view on mistakes. "ok, you made a mistake. What are you doing to fix it?" I learned a lot in an environment that allowed me to initiate solutions for mistakes I made.

Then I started working with families.... families in crisis.... families that did not have the relational skills to sustain each of those relationships internally much longer. I started talking with the families, learning about them, listening to their stories, and providing opportunities to connect with their partners, children, and siblings. As I watched them, I realized what Dad meant....In order for these families to become healthy and strong, they had to learn new skills, sometimes skills that were completely foreign. In the beginning, these skills were completed poorly or not at all. I learned that a feeling of accomplishment didn't necessarily come with every visit I made. Instead, I had to continue to change the method the families used to complete the skills to fit their personalities, abilities, and time together, and then observe them try again. I have had a couple of particular failures with families - their emotional, relational and support system resources so drained - I provided the person to blame when it fell apart. That stung!! I cared... I wanted them to succeed. It wasn't enough. Other families though, after a year, 18 months even,  of continual investment, and finding ways to support their family, small successes started to manifest. Once a success occurs, it becomes easier to build off of the previous success, and confidence grows. And before you know it a skill, such as "making sure to emotionally re-connect after an argument" is being used proficiently.

So when I start something new.... I have to use as a mantra "Its ok to make mistakes. I have to learn somehow," and "Anything worth doing well, is worth doing poorly."

"If you're not making mistakes, then you're not doing anything. I'm positive that a doer makes mistakes."
John Wooden