Developing Boundaries

If it is possible to have a reservoir of positive emotions, it means having an ability to store these emotions in some manner. The only way that would be possible would be perhaps, if they were kept in a metaphorical emotional box, or cupboard, or cup or emotional bank account. That implies then, that it would need to be protected by me in order to keep it full of emotions that are positive, and could be added to as able, but also withdrawn from as needed to help keep negative emotions in balance. There is also a chance that this bank account or cup, could be added to by the people around me, or also withdrawn from by the people around me, because in a group emotions are contagious (Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence).  A boundary though, is not something that I want to be permanent, because it would also limit my ability to access resources. So a boundary is something that I need to be able to manage, as part of my emotion management plan. When I am tired, I need to be able to withdraw and replenish myself without taking on too many demands from others. When I am stable and confident, than I have the ability to share with others out of my emotional abundance, and take on more demands of family, work and volunteer activities, etc.

Interesting to note, that out of all the ways to manage emotions, volunteering is actually the best way to increase positive emotions, and the least utilized (Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence).  

Emotional Vitality

 

I have studied more on emotional resources lately, trying to understand exactly how to create a reservoir of positivity to draw from when dealing with day-to-day challenges. What I have discovered is that I actually have way more to learn then I imagined. For example: in the brain "play circuitry defers to bad feelings - anxiety, anger and sadness - all of which suppress playfulness." Daniel Goleman ~ Social Intelligence. And in fact, perhaps "mood swings" from positive to negative emotions are quite troubling, even more so than I thought because the unpredictability create someone I don't want to be. "When emotions are too muted, they create dullness and distance; when out of control, too extreme and persistent, they become pathological, as in immobilizing depression, over-whelming anxiety, raging anger, manic agitation." (Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence). Emotion management is something that Ruby Payne Ph.D. also mentions repeatedly, regarding an individuals ability to move from poverty to middle class, or from middle class to wealth, noting that "Emotional resources are the most important of all the resources because, when present, they allow the individual not to return to old habit patterns" (Ruby Payne, Ph. D, What Every Church Member should Know About Poverty).

So this is what I know so far.....

1. The brain defers to negative emotions

2. Emotional vitality and health comes from keeping emotions in balance.

3.Emotional management or having a reservoir of positive emotions to draw from is very important


More to come....

Social Intelligence - The New Science of Human Relationships by Daniel Goleman
Emotional Intelligence - Why it can matter more than IQ by Daniel Goleman
What Every Church Member Should Know About Poverty Bill Ehlig and Ruby Payne Ph.D.