A Time for Healing

I've had a premonition for a few years now that something wasn't quite right. I fatigued easily, sleep didn't make me feel better, I cried easily and tension and conflict in my life would often continue to impact me long after the moment passed, showing itself in a physical reaction - sometimes insomnia, sometimes panic attacks, sometimes other ways. This was compounded last year during a particularly stressful time (physically and emotionally) that I couldn't seem to overcome on my own. My biggest problem - I didn't know who to turn to or whom to ask for help. It's  not easy to go to a primary care provider and let them know that things are just off. No specifics, no glaring issues in blood work or typical exams and tests. As far as I knew - this was normal and I would just have to deal with it.

Back to the main item I brought up...building a support system. I didn't know who I could turn to in a situation like this where I know something is off, but don't know what to do. The fact of the matter is that it's easy in general for me to determine that I will figure out what is wrong and fix it..no matter what. No matter that I exhaust myself in the process. No matter that I actually refuse willing supports in my life the opportunity to help me. Even refusing to allow my support system to simply pray for me, for healing.

I know I am not alone in this. For me the fierce determination comes from thinking that there is no one who will support me - so if I don't do it for myself, no one else will. For others it may be a myriad of reasons. Allowing other people to help - means someone else to share in the journey, the joys, the sorrows and ultimately sharing in the experience in finding the deep underlying meaning in your life's story.

Sometimes too extra support comes from being  able to pay for services.Having someone help clean the house, mow the lawn, or do some babysitting can provide some much needed relief to the stressors of life. For me it meant finding someone who would listen to my concerns for my physical health and be willing to support me through the healing process. I think this is another way that God works - through family and friends, and friends of friends, and family of friends, and friends of family. I heard of a medical provider in my local area, who might be able to provide the kind of support I wanted. No, the support I really needed.

I have been receiving medical support for a month now and the changes are phenomenal. I am sleeping at night and feeling rested (when I feel fatigued now its a reminder to rest, not a pervasive feeling), I no longer feel so overwhelmed and I feel much more confident, and the physical responses to tension and conflict have subsided. What a relief!!

In addition I reached out to my church family and solicited their prayers. My hope is for complete healing. However, I am content with whatever I am given - recognizing that my health at this point depends a lot on my choices regarding diet, exercise and rest.

Divine support sometimes start in recognizing that sometimes when it comes to healing I need to provide some of the legwork - look for support, ask for support, make necessary changes, and then allow God to decide the outcome.

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