Sharing the Journey

I find it an extraordinary event that a couple will let others come along and support them when they are dealing with uncertainty in the world, often a pre-cursor to a crisis of faith. I recognize that there are boundaries to a marriage partnership. Its a given that a couple will have conversations about life decisions, and that 95% of those decisions have little to do with anyone else' opinion. The fact of the matter is that the two people who have to deal with those decisions are the couple.

Occasionally though a couple cross my path, that are willing to let other's view their pain, without dumping it on other's in anger, and seek solace in the company of fellow believers that they may be lifted up and supported through their times of trial. When that happens, it takes my breath away at the beauty and vulnerability, and absolute trust that their needs will be met one way or another. Oh, that I could have that kind of faith, in God as well as fellow believers. This past week, I witnessed a family as they lost their young child due to a tragic accident, from a distance, but nonetheless, they willingly let people, (and I mean thousands of people) follow details of their ordeal. Through the process thousands of people worshiped with them and prayed with them through the ups and downs, seeking healing, but ultimately accepting their prayers would not be answered the way they hoped.  I sobbed my way through the requests for prayers, adding my own requests that he be healed,  and felt stunned when I heard that their little boy had passed away. I am truly touched by this family. One comment by someone, miles away captured my thoughts "Thanks for letting us share the journey with you."  Truly, they were an example of vulnerability and graciousness, in an angry and bitter world.

Ben Ricketts Fund
Veridian Credit Union at the Cedar Heights location.
The address is 3621 Cedar Heights Drive, Cedar Falls, IA 50613.

Marriage + Compromise = Teamwork

My husband has not been feeling well this weekend. Bronchitis hit hard on Thursday and he just has struggled to get better. I look at my list of things to accomplish this weekend, and realize that it just isn't going to happen. It also probably reveals how spoiled I am. Usually if I say, this needs to be priority this weekend, between the two of us we are able to get it done.

When we first married, I discovered quickly that the two of us accomplished far more together, than I ever even attempted when single. I think its knowing that there is someone in my corner, who is willing to help and support me that surprised me. When something doesn't go our way, he can share what he thinks would work better, but in the end, he still is on my side. The challenge all along of course, is being in agreement on what is the most important. I will say this is still a work in progress.

Marriage and Finances Connection

There are certain issues that come up in every marriage:

1) a failure of communication 2) financial difficulties

3) sexual difficulties

4) problems with in-laws

5) disagreements over child rearing

 are some of the discussions that are likely to occur in a young or even a seasoned marriage.

 I was incredibly surprised at the role finances plays in a marriage relationship. A study completed by the University of Virgina (the Marriage Project) called "Bank on it: Thrifty couples are the happiest" (2009), specifically addressed the effect of financial stress on a marriage. Specifically, financial stress on the wife, has a significant impact on the outcome of the marriage particularly since "65% of divorces are initiated by women". (U.S. Census Bureau )  According to the research on finances and Marriage "Consumer debt is an equal-opportunity marriage destroyer. It does not matter if couples are rich or poor, working class or middle class. If they accrue substantial debt, it puts a strain on their marriage." In fact feeling that a partner spends money unwisely, shows a 45% increase in the likelihood either party will initiate a divorce. Ranking 3rd behind extra-marital affairs, and substance/alcohol abuse.

Since I am pretty new still to the marriage scene, I thought I would also then check out some of the ways to increase the likelihood of a happy union. Interestingly enough (from the same research) a couple with no assets were 70% more likely to divorce after 36 months, than a couple with $10,000.00 in assets. Having done the Dave Ramsey plan, perhaps the best investment in our marriage is our emergency fund of 3-6 months.

Perhaps you have heard that the divorce statistics are 50% of marriages today are likely to fail What's kind of sad about the whole thing is that often those failed marriages are among the same group of people, someone who married prior to the age of 21, is a high school drop-out, and is non-religious. For some people the likelihood of divorce is significantly lower.

Annual income over $50,000 (vs. under $25,000):    30% decrease in likelihood of divorce

Having a baby 7 months or more after marriage (vs. before marriage):   24% decrease in likelihood of divorce

Marrying over the age of 25 years (vs. under 18):   24% decrease in likelihood of divorce.

Own family of origin intact (vs. divorced parents): 14% decrease in likelihood of divorce

Religious affiliation (vs. none):   14% decrease in likelihood of divorce

Some College (vs. high school dropout): 13% decrease in likelihood of divorce.

 (The State of our Unions 2007)

What I like about this information is that  there is something that can still be done, even if you married young, dropped out of school and/or had a baby before marriage. Going to school, increasing family income, and participating in a faith community, will all positively impact your marriage and decrease the likelihood of divorce. And for husbands out there, maybe the best gift you ever give your wife, and your marriage, is investing in an emergency fund, even having a smaller emergency fund of $1000.00 will significantly increase marital satisfaction for your wife.

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