We are on the same team...

I am celebrating a wedding anniversary this week! Its been both a long four years when I look at what we have gone through. Its also been a fast four years when I look at all we have accomplished. Which leads me to the reason why I think that even with all the junk we have had to deal with the reason we have made it through, still in love, still liking each other and still enjoying each other is....teamwork! We had what looked like an insurmountable mountain of debt to deal with, and so many needs of our own. Yet, we did the hard work and paid off what was owed. What I owed. What my husband owed. Because when we married his debts became my debts, and my debts became his debts.

The biggest challenges to working together had to do with the fact that I tend to be quite flexible and easy-going about life, and my  hubby tends to be less flexible, and more intense about life. So our greatest conflict came from agreeing to a plan of action, working the plan and then hanging on long enough to celebrate the win together. I didn't realize at the time overwhelmed, hurting and desperate as I was to see the end of that journey, how it was setting the foundation of how my husband and I handle other crisis that come along during our marriage. I see now that we have another long journey ahead of us involving lots of homework, lots of time away from each other, and lots of money.  I have seen again how teamwork is guiding us along the journey. What does teamwork look like at our household?

I feel obligated to start with the fact that teamwork isn't one person telling other people what to do and expecting them to do it. That would be more of an employer/employee relationship, and not the most effective kind of relationship for accomplishing anything great. The bare minimum, absolutely. Above and beyond, probably won't happen because they can't get beyond the power struggles brought on by treating someone as though their only use is to serve another. 

In teamwork though, both of us as a part of the team have a say. Often it will come down to the other spouse having the ability to say "yes" or "no" to an idea, project, or activity, especially those involving money. We talked about graduate school for a couple of weeks before I completed the application, wanting to make sure we had thought it through before committing to that level of sacrifice both financial and relational.

It requires work on both of our parts - I may be in school, so that means making meals, shopping and paying bills have to be picked up by the hubby. Everyone negotiates the chores/jobs to run a house differently, but one person can't realistically do everything, and attempting to do so overworks one partner and prevents the other partner from investing in the household.

Both of us are invested in the outcome. When I have a major accomplishment, it is a reflection of the work both of us put into the process. One of the few thoughts I remember from our wedding service is that in marriage "joys are multiplied, and sorrows divided."

I have also been fortunate enough to have worked in a couple of business environments where team-work was a priority. There was less focus on what "I" could do to advance myself and more on the "we" of accomplishing great things together. And if I do say so myself, we were good. No, we were AMAZING!!  Like all good things it didn't last forever, but I have used some of the tools of teamwork I learned with those wonderful people over and over again. Each time I find the same result - when creative, capable, committed adults work together with positive and constructive feedback flowing back and forth, we are almost unstoppable. Why? Because we rely on the strengths of each person to carry the rest of the group forward, and are able to compensate for the natural weaknesses of others. Teamwork is a beautiful thing! This brings me back full circle to my hubby and I. My strengths often are able to cover the areas of weaknesses of my husband making him a more complete person. The same is true of when my husband uses his areas of strength to cover for my areas of weakness,  I become a more complete person. In fact, being on the same team as my hubby is probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me.