Teamwork - practicing working together for a common goal

I was reminded by a long-time family friend this weekend, as I shared my husband and my journey of being debt free, the importance of teamwork. Prior to getting married, my husband and I sat down and worked out a budget - how to pay for the wedding, part of the reception, and honeymoon. I had a budget in front of me - now to just make it work. I naively thought that one conversation would be enough, and that we were not only mentally on the same page but behaviorally on the same page. Life went on. Since we weren't married yet, we kept separate bank accounts as that seemed to me the proper thing to do. The next bank statement from his bank arrived, and since I cared more, I went to balance his account. I am afraid that both my husband and I are now traumatized by the name Mr. Beans, which I am sure is a lovely coffee shop, which also ended up with a lot of my then fiance's money. Unfortunately the following conversation... ok, argument that ensued not only traumatized myself and my fiance, but my sister who happened to be working on her wedding decorations in the other room.

During our pre-marital counseling our Counselor suggested having an agreed upon amount that either one of us could spend without needing approval from the other person. The amount he suggested $50-200 made me catch my breath - when we needed almost every dollar to pay bills, pay for the wedding and keep food in both houses. After we were married, and in the thick of the battle to get out of debt, in jest I told Jonathan I would agree to a $0.99 limit on purchases that we could make without approval from the other. Several days later a $0.99 purchase from iTunes came through the bank account, and a couple of days later a $0.89 purchase from Taco Bell. It made me laugh, but also allowed some freedom in decision-making that even for the moment made the difficult battle we were in easier to manage.

My first lesson learned, over a very long period of time, that not every plan we discuss will be executed perfectly. In fact it took us a long time to get on the same page financially - and we needed the assistance of Dave Ramsey to actually be successful. I hope that in the end I am more gracious when mistakes happen. Realizing that even though a conversation may have occurred the behaviors that will ensure success still have to be practiced in order to make everything work together. I do know that yelling, sniping, stonewalling and general irritability won't help. Its the conversation that is important - the analyzing what went wrong, deciding what additional supports are needed, and providing encouragement and a "soft place to fall" when the plan falls apart.

Budgeting together at first happened with difficulty. I however am proud that now we discuss our budget together, agree on the amount we will spend on different items together, and work the plan together.

However I really wish the book "Crossing the Tracks for Love" by Ruby Payne Ph.D. had been available before I married. I think I would have had been more understanding of where my husband was coming from in his thinking about money. I am hoping it is also helpful in the areas of parenting, in-law relationships, and other hot button marriage issues.