Give the Gift of Collaboration

As I watch friends plan and attend holiday parties and also participate in holiday festivities myself - I observe there is the pressure of enjoying the holidays, in combination with spending time with people we don't get along with during the year. I have devoted the last couple of months to the in-law relationships, hoping additional insights into familial interactions, will help people enjoy spending time with family members that often spend time in conflict with each other.
Raised by a woman without a Mother and not having a traditional school experience with other females, learning to get along with female in-laws represents a unique challenge for me. Rejection, criticism and marginalization were all experienced in the "world." At home, the expectation was that of inclusion, and finding ways to get along with others. The vulnerability that came from relationships with women, because they are important to the men in your life, can emotionally bring a person to her knees over and over again, because they don't follow the same rules I grew up with. This is a forced vulnerability because they have access to all your weaknesses, struggles, and pain, without the choice of choosing the relationship with them (the important man in your life brought the relationships together). No wonder conflict can ensue.

What do you want from me? By Terri Apter provides incredible insight, case studies, and research into in-law relationships. Primarily focusing on the main areas of conflict - the Mother/daughter-in-law relationship. My favorite quote describes the way that the forced vulnerability of the in-law relationship could be used to their relationships advantage. "Each person could win if the relationships became collaborative, if each, instead of confronting each other, would celebrate and reassure each other." Terri Apter.

It spurred on so much thought into how inflexibility causes destruction to relationships.  I have seen and experienced within in-law relationships, that it becomes an experience of learning to live, relate and plan without the other, whether it is mother/daughter/sister-in-law. That is a dangerous precedent to set - because the other person will learn to live, relate, and plan, without you. Negotiation, respect, and appreciation for the role each woman has in the family is important. Real inclusion as defined by Terri Apter "Involves acceptance of who you are and respect for your thoughts in wishes." It is my hope that this may be experienced this Holiday Season, as this reassurance recognizes each woman as the primary woman, in her primary family, and allows for the diversity of each family to enlarge and bless the entire family.

Merry Christmas!! And Happy New Year!!

Creating a team out of Family.

Every family is challenged with the ability to work together as a team. It is a dream of mine when I have children who then marry (many many years from now, but its ok to dream), that each individual couple will develop their team, at the same time participating as a part of the larger team in the extended family.

Back to reality:  The moments when siblings get along, parents are emotionally stable, and extended family are in harmony with each other are few and far between as it is. During the holidays it is expected that those fleeting moments will condense into the 3-14 days a year everyone is in each others space. Having a plan is absolutely necessary and make sure to include activities that interest several different age groups, the connections created between aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins are sure to be the highlight. In doing so, it doesn't allow for many tense moments between adults. 

Since my hubby and I have worked so hard to develop team Guerrero these past 3 years, I have great hopes and dreams for the future.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Picture included complements of

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=789

 http://www.brianmac.co.uk/articles/scni13a2.htm

Understanding the Importance of Teamwork

Karlene Sugarman explains how you can assess and develop a cohesive team

The concept of teamwork is extremely important to the success of any team. All coaches talk about working as one unit, as a unified team. Teamwork and unselfishness create the backbone of a great team, without them a team cannot realistically compete. You can have a group of superstars, but if they do not work well as one unit, chances are they are not going to be as successful as you would think. The team working as one cohesive unit is going to be the key in their success.

What to look for

Here are some things to take into consideration when you are looking at your team:

1. Does your team have agreed-upon goals they created as a team?
2. Do the players openly encourage and support one another?
3. Do they have open communication with one another, as well as the coaching staff?
4. Does each player know what their role on the team is?
5. Is there mutual respect among the players and coaching staff?
6. Do players use statements such as "we" when referring to the team, or is it more of an "every man for himself" mentality?
7. Have they created a positive team image for themselves?
8. Are the individual contributions of each player recognised (regardless of whether he/she is a starter or not a starter)?
9. Is the team as a whole committed to improving performance?
10. Does each member consider themselves as a "team player?"

A productive team has players that share common goals, a common vision and have some level of interdependence that requires both verbal and physical interaction. Teams come into existence through shared attitudes about a particular sport. They may come together for a number of different reasons, but their goals are the same - to achieve peak performance and experience success. The ends may differ but the means by which one gets there is the same - teamwork. Every member of the team is accountable when it comes to teamwork.

 Teamwork

To succeed at the task in hand everyone involved needs to combine their efforts. If everyone does their job well, then it increases what the team can accomplish. This teamwork has to be recognised by everyone and know that great things can happen if individuals master the fundamentals and work together as one unit. Everyone has their own unique role, but each person's individual role must be recognised and appreciated.
Teamwork is something that must be a high priority and given constant attention. Every player needs to understand how important it is for them to work smoothly together if they want to be successful. Each player must be dedicated to the whole team and be willing to act unselfishly. When challenges arise (as they always do), the team needs to have the resources, accountability and commitment to deal with them in a constructive and positive manner. A sense of teamwork will play an integral part in this.
Just remember T.E.A.M. - Together Everyone Achieves More!

About the Author

Karlene Sugarman is a Sport Psychology Consultant in the USA and the author of the book "Winning the Mental Way", a book on team building and mental training.

Article Reference

• Sugarman K. (2004), "Understanding the Importance of Teamwork", Brian Mackenzie's Successful Coaching (ISSN 1745-7513), Issue 13

Becoming Grace

Each of us interacts daily with people that we rely on for affection, love and support. However, who we want to be the people who support our spiritual journey, are not always the people we would choose. Sometimes our family members are more resistant to participating in spiritual conversations, and a close co-worker or family member from our spouse's family take up that role.

What is important is connecting weekly with a group of people who support you, nurture your spiritual development, and help you find insight and grace in God's word.

The journey with people through life, as you experience and share grace, is expressed among the spheres of influence with people around you. Part of the journey might be grieving the fact you are not as close to someone as you wish you could be. However, experiencing these emotions will make you more aware of the needs of others around you, and my hope is that you are able to discover the tools, the resiliency and the grace to meet those needs.