Touched

There is a term sometimes that is used when emotional overload has occurred due to a thoughtful, meaningful, caring action or comment made by another person... When saying "thank you" just doesn't seem enough, "I am touched," creates the visual image of how meaningful an action meant.  Our skin is the largest organ of our bodies, providing protection from infection, and providing neural input to the brain constantly. In fact in infants,  taste and smell are their primary way of seeking out the familiar in their environment. But touch, is the way that infants learn at first, who is the one who loves me, cares for me, means "the world" to me.  In the 1950s Dr Ashley Montagu observed "the death rate of infants under one year of age in Institutions for Abandoned children was nearly 100%." (Attached at the Heart, Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker).  Even  if basic needs such as feeding and diapering occur, if that is the only touch an infant receives, in is not enough to live on.

This is what I think is sad though, the most touch a person receives is often in infancy and toddler hood. That means that the likelihood of being physically touched in a gentle, nurturing, loving way significantly decreases as child grows, but the need for touch does not decrease. Touch continues to benefit a child's physiological well being, showing decreased symptoms in children who have "asthma, autism, cancer, diabetes, depression, and attention disorders." (The Connected Child, Karen Purvis, Ph.D, David r. Cross Ph.D and Wendy Lyons Sunshine). Studies of Attachment Theory have shown the children need at least 11 touches a day, but 100 touches are even better. Even in therapeutic treatment, hugs are necessary for emotional growth and enjoyment in life “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” (Virgina Satir). Observation of abused and abanoned children has shown a type of skin hunger, where children "scheme to get touch even though is in the form of more abuse" (Donald M. Joy Ph.D).

Now I am not advocating that you go out and touch everyone you meet. I am advocating for increased gentle, nurturing touch of the people who mean the most to you, your spouse in particular, and your children/grandchildren next. Touching will increase the quality of attachment in a relationship, and help protect the relationship during developmentally appropriate life changes, increased stress (job, finances), illness, and grief. Hugs, foot massages, back massages, kisses, pats on the back, squeezing their hand, and a stroke on the cheek, all provide the gentle touch needed. And most importantly, will bless the people in your life, that mean the most to you.