Tested

When I think of faith being tested, I rarely think of my own faith being tested. I mean, I am a Christian, I believe, that alone should be enough. As I have journeyed through my twenties I learned that claiming Christianity isn't enough. It's like a baby saying, "I'm born. Isn't that enough?" As I look back on it, I see its a great start. It's the best start. It's not like claiming Christianity isn't enough. It's the fact there is so much more that could be experienced.

Let me explain it this way:
when my husband and I married, I would have preferred that we started out debt free. We didn't.  The experience of working together to get out of debt, is what helped us learn to work as a team. This experience was not an easy, smooth or simple process. It brought us to the edge of what our marriage could take. However, we wouldn't have experienced the troubles or the triumph together, without first pledging our love to each other in marriage. Our wedding began our life together. Our wedding was a great start. Our wedding isn't what taught us how to work together. Our marriage was tested, from the beginning. Would we be able to overcome? Or would we be broken by life's experiences as a married couple?

Being a Christian is a similar experience. How will I know the depth of God's love for me, if I don't have experiences that break my heart? How will I learn to trust Him completely, if I always have other people who will bail me out of problems? I'm not saying I like heartbreak and loneliness, its just been my burden to bear. Other people have other burdens that either bring them to their knees, or break their faith completely. I have heard this verse throughout my life, but it just sank in this morning: "For the time has come for judgment, and it must begin with God's household"(1 Peter 4:17). I get it now. When God has a plan for the world, He starts with His people, and He tests them.  Having experienced life as an adult, I don't think God expects His people to necessarily "get it" the first time. Like Jonah, He will come after us until we find the right path and follow His plan to completion. God's will is perfect, but He has imperfect followers, who have a tendency to bungle things up badly. This is why I am so thankful for forgiveness. I need it so often. And a fresh start. I am willing to do His will, just often confused as to what His will means.


When HomePage started over a decade ago, the mission involved relationships. In fact our mission statement starts with "restoring relationships between God and man." An ambitious undertaking for sure. However, after several years, it didn't seem like "restoring relationships" between anybody was actually occurring. To understand what is happening often takes time. Sometimes I will think to myself "in ten years this experience might make sense." Like a great philosopher once said "You live life looking forward, you understand it looking backward." Moments like today are when I understand what happened. If as a church body you are going to try something that no one else has tried, you will be tested first. Let me repeat myself: YOU WILL BE TESTED FIRST!! If your mission is to restore relationships, guess what? Your relationships will be tested first. It's easy to think that the testing, and the failures along the way are the end of the story.
Failure is only the end of the story, if you let it be the end of the story. Failure is only a chapter in the story. Multiple failures are only different portions of the story. God, however, doesn't seem to have a problem with having a lot of Jonahs for help.  If I let God tell the story of my testing, He has His own plan. From the story of Job, a man whose testing of faith brought him  face-to-face with the decision of whether to choose life or death, understood being tested. Job faithfully stated "But he knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold"(Job 23:10). That is our promise too. In fact over the last several years, I have watched as relationships are restored between people and with God. A church experience that might have been labeled a failure, has found its way and is blessing others. It's an amazing experience to participate in! My life is enriched and blessed by this group of people!!

God knows our desire to serve and worship Him. Since testing begins at the House of God, we know it can't be avoided. Failure oftentimes cannot be avoided either. How else would we learn? What we can understand is by maintaining our devotion to Him during the time of testing, our faith will be purified, and we will come forth like gold, pure gold.

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The Precipice

 

For those of you who do not attend the HomePage - this blog will probably look more analytical in nature - its a glimpse into the soul of the group. I understand that for the most part it will most likely be information of little interest - but these thoughts have weighed heavily on my mind and beg for release. So for this blog I ask for your indulgence.

Ever since the HomePage started we have spiritually lived (for those who attend) on a precipice. The questions that repeatedly demand an answer:
1. Are we Christian?
2. Are we Adventist?
3. Are we in the World?
4. Are we of the World?

This is the precipice we live on. To prevent from crashing down on either side of this precipice is a spiritual balancing act. Being drawn by both sides of being non-christian and of the world or being completely perfect in adherence to Adventist doctrine and not in the world at all, is the spiritual reality we face everyday.

How do I live my Christian faith in cooperation with my Adventist beliefs in a world that so desperately needs kindness, hope and love? For it is so easy to appear Christian but not Adventist, and in the same token it is easy to appear Adventist but not Christian. This is the precipice we live on.

I find it interesting that for the last 13 years it has been a small group of believers that have dared to attempt to live this reality. Living on the  precipice of being a Adventist filled with grace living in the world is not for the faint of heart. Adventist communities are notorious - providing a safe group of people to connect with and provide support of like-minded people. However large groups of like-minded people do not ensure an attitude of grace, but are often known for being exclusive and creating "relational clicks."  And yet there are those who are seeing that being exclusive and creating "relational clicks" drives out those who do not fit in, and there are those who seek now to join us on the precipice. To live on this spiritual precipice is to embrace ambiguity and uncertainty regarding the future, and is the only place I know that also provides limitless opportunities. Opportunities to abundantly bless others as the Father has blessed me, with "a good measure-- pressed down, shaken together, and running over." Luke 6:38. This is also a place of dialogue and questions. Every Adventist church I have observed expresses Adventist doctrine differently. The expression of Adventist doctrine is often where disagreements begin, and in those disagreements it is often where belief ends.

There is also the matter of maintaining family connections. To be Christian is to reorganize the way a family lives. To be an Adventist Christian re-organizes more than just how one family lives, it changes the way an entire extended family lives, even if just one family changes. A family changing the way it is organized too quickly can actually break a family apart. This applies to families on both sides of our precipice. A family who becomes Adventist is suddenly different from the rest of their family, possibly even causing emotional cut-off and alienation. A family who is already Adventist but has based their faith on perfect adherence to doctrine risks losing the energy that forces their family into spiritual agreement by basing their faith on grace instead of perfection. This is the precipice we live on.

To live on this precipice is to live a life of faith, to trust God will use us to bless the lives of our families, children and friends, and the larger Christian church body, and the larger Adventist church body, without knowing how. This is the precipice we live on.

Our only solution is to embrace fully the One who has chosen us for He desires all of us to join Him someday - "In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you" John 14:2. The judgment of human-kind is not in my hands and those are not decisions I want to make. My desire instead is for there to be a spiritual group that is a shelter in the storm, a place where its OK to dialogue and ask questions, a place to belong.

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