Rejection

Out of all of the experiences I have had - the ones that are burned into my memory - always deal with rejection. I can feel the wave of shame come over me, and the difficulty relating to others sets in and I am emotionally overwhelmed by a rejecting experience. In fact I could probably tell you some of the dates that I have experienced such overwhelming rejection. Last fall (2009) I continually struggled with rejection to the point my husband and I had to come up with a plan to help me deal with rejection in a constructive manner.

The plan was simple:

For each situation that occurred - I would tell my husband "I felt rejected when...." (a colleague didn't listen to me, a client expressed displeasure with service, etc.) that way I could share my emotions without revealing confidential information.

Then I would get a hug from my hubby for each of those experiences that day. I think I ended up following the plan only 5-10 times total, but the emotional stability it provided me was immense.

This came to mind today as I helped a client, by making phone calls to various agencies trying to find out if there were openings for someone in crisis. I realized then that I am better at taking a "no" or rejection on behalf of someone else, then I am on my own behalf. When I receive the rejection I take it personally, when someone else is in desperate need of help, I thank them and move onto the next one on the list. I am determined to find the "yes" for someone else. It gives me hope that through these lessons I am learning, I can de-personalize rejection and become determined to find a "yes" for me instead of so quickly losing hope. I also realize that when emotionally someone is in crisis, and so often in Human Services we give them a list of places to call, there aren't enough emotional reserves to make the connections needed. The rejection becomes isolation, and the isolation becomes more painful than the rejection, because then the skills needed to re-connect with others are lost in the grief and loss already being experienced, and it will take far more emotional confidence than perhaps was available in the first place. 

I also realize that there is an ultimate plan to deal with all of the rejection that for the most part, I am able to manage my response to rejection now. Long term though, I know I need help, and there is Someone who has experienced all of the rejection,  all of the loneliness and all of the separation from the Father for me (and you),  and if I choose to believe in Him, will never have to experience.

This is the stone which was rejected by you builders, but which has become the head of the corner. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:11-12 RSV