Will you lose a battle ....to win the war for your child's, or your spouse's heart?

I am reminded of my own mother when I was about 10. I attempted to defy her wishes just once. The result of our interaction was quite painful for me physically and emotionally, and undeserved I might add, because I was a very easy going child and my mother would have needed to do very little to motivate me to please her. Instead I have a traumatic memory of that incident and a pervasive sense of distrust towards her which did not dissipate until my later teen years. The lack of compassion in that moment from my mother resulted in less of a connection with her.A decision I know today pains her and the consequences in our relationship were ones she did not want nor anticipated, but in that moment twenty years ago my defiance was all she could see. Sometimes even when it appears a battle will be lost, the compassionate and wise choice is to find a way to stay connected, even in the midst of defiance. Losing one battle to maintain the relationship, even if it appears the defiant child will win, in the end the parent will likely win the war regarding desired long-term behavior change in the child.

All of these thoughts came to mind tonight as I process the experience during our worship service at HomePage over the weekend. Each week the experience is different, the outpouring of weekly emotions, experiences and expectations overflowing into our worship service. It is no different at other churches. Just at most churches everyone is expected to conform to one way of interacting with each other. At the HomePage we have learned that the emotions, experiences and expectations come along with whether or not you "allow" them  to be expressed or not.  No doubt about somethings that happen are definitely quirky, definitely unique to our expression of worship. As I watched the group of people gathered together, with their loved ones surrounding them, I came to the conclusion we each make decisions each weekend.

Will I attend a church where I feel comfortable, but will likely worship without my beloved ones?

Or will I attend a church where I sometimes feel uncomfortable, but my beloved ones surround me as we worship together?

These questions are ones that Adventists have faced before. Previously the decision made is this: "I will feel comfortable" and the beloved ones leave the church, in droves, ending up in churches that have created an opportunity to belong, or out in the ambiguity of whether or not to even believe in God.

At the HomePage we are trying out the other side of the equation. What happens when I sometimes feel spiritually, emotionally, relationally uncomfortable, but my spiritual journey includes my beloved one(s)? My husband has told me that prior to meeting me and attending HomePage, he seriously questioned what his spiritual journey would look like five, ten years down the road. Now he insists that we attend church each week and that we will have a spiritual home to raise our child in our faith. Knowing that my spiritual journey includes my beloved ones makes the uncomfortable moments worth the personal growth that occur. And knowing that by choosing a relationship with my husband and my child, even when I may not agree with individual decisions they make means I win the battle for their hearts, makes those uncomfortable moments fade away from memory.