How to Change your Behavior

With the new year - I am always inspired to try something new - the only exception to that was the end of 2008. My husband and I were 8 weeks away from becoming debt free. All of our energy and focus was directed toward finishing the goal, not starting something new. Here at the start of 2010 - I am once again looking at what I want to change, what I want to be different, how I want to be different after 2010. My reason: I want to improve myself, my family, my future for my husband and our future children. There might be other reasons to change though, such as:

Pain-Motivated Change

Change Created by Being Pulled Toward New Behavior
Change Forced by a Push from Someone Else or by Circumstances
http://www.learningplaceonline.com/therapy/motivates.htm

The hard part of course is making the behavior changes stick. Learning the new skills necessary to make the change, can be just as challenging as actually changing behaviors. Don't be surprised if you feel a sense of loss, even if it is a change for the better. Leaving the familiar, the safe, is always stressful, and choosing stress, when dealing with stress due to environment (i.e. job, family, health, finances) may seem too much to handle.

When dealing with changes expect to experience an increase in the unwanted actions - due to the familiarity of the behavior that is being extinguished. Also continually practice adding positives (toward your goal), to keep busy and help your brain re-organize around a new structure of activity. The new structure, is actually essential to creating change, or you might sink into destructive behavior due to learned helplessness.


Phase of numbing that usually lasts from a few hours to a week and may be interrupted by outbursts of extremely intense distress and/or anger.


Phase of yearning and searching for the lost figure lasting some months or sometimes for years.
Phase of disorganization and despair.
Phase of greater or less degree of organization. - John Bowlby Loss: Sadness and Depression

It may also be helpful to use the Holmes and Rahe stress inventory to recognize stressors you may currently be experiencing.  A score of 300+  gives you a 90% change of developing an illness, having an accident, or "blowing up" (you know, emotional meltdowns, aaack).

http://www.managingpressure.com/downloads/6_Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_inventory.pdf

There are two ways to work around the attachment/loss scenario, and the stress scenario that can impact an individual's ability to succeed. 

1. Educate yourself: Learn everything you can about what you want to become, what has worked for others and how to incorporate them into your life.
2. Find a Mentor: Someone who has gone through the process before, or perhaps never struggled because they were taught, or intuitively knew how to be successful in that area.

My husband and I used the Dave Ramsey plan to get out of debt (www.daveramsey.com), however we wouldn't have gotten that far without a personal connection, friends who are financially successful, who gave us the emotional boost to get started.