Great Expectations

I don't like starting new jobs. I hate all the anxiety and wondering how I am going to screw up as I learn the ropes. I hate the feeling I let someone down, because I have experience doing such and such, or know how to.... Since each job has a unique combination of polices, procedures, and in Human Services, regulations, its complicated learning how to jump through all the hoops. I always look forward to the one year anniversary of being in the new position - after that you pretty much have the position down, its a question of handling the variations on previous experiences that matter now. 

Starting a new job though is something I come to with minimal expectations, an outlook of learning and bettering myself, and conquering a challenge. Personal relationships though, tend to carry the baggage of my own expectations, weaved into the relationship are threads of reality and threads of fiction, created by me.

One of the worst arguments (we all have weaknesses that can cause a lot of pain for our spouse) between my husband and I occurred about 18 months into marriage. Hubby changed jobs about 6 months before, and I thought I had heard him say that after 6 months of employment, there would be a pay raise (hey, some companies do that). Hubby had actually said "I hope they do. That would be nice."  Hubby, at first, didn't always speak in definite terms, so "that would be nice", could mean "yes", so I took it as "yes". Let's just say after that day - hubby now speaks in definite terms - its just not worth dealing with a wife that expects what he says to be fact. Embarrassing to say the least, it wasn't one of my finer moments as a wife.

However, I learned a lot about my expectations as a wife, what I thought my husband would be like. My expectations of being provided for and feeling secure, were tied emotionally to the outcome of that 1st conversation about starting a new job. Factually, were they tied together, no, I don't think so. That shows how sneaky and insidious expectations are. A relationship full of beautiful potential, can be reduced to ashes, (because it can feel like emotional betrayal) over un-fulfilled expectations, if the only requirement is, "my expectations must be met."

One expectation that has been exceeded over and over again, in such abundance, I cannot believe God so graciously blessed me... The companionship I have experienced being married. I so much enjoy marriage to my husband, because he is a friend, a partner, someone who challenges my weak areas, shows confidence in my abilities, and brags relentlessly about me to anyone who will listen. I am sure that all he shares about me isn't true, but its a great standard to reach for,  his love and companionship inspire me to be a better person.

Expectations can be carried into other relationships - when becoming a parent, when developing friendships, when marrying into a family, when losing a close friend/family member or parent. Remember beautiful memories, or relationships full of potential can be reduced to ashes over unfulfilled expectations. Treasure your positive memories and interactions that bring joy. And be willing to identify where expectations end, and deal-breakers begin. A relationship that embodies love, respect and fun, even if it doesn't meet certain expectations, doesn't mean it is a lie, its just different then expected.

Definition of "expectations":

• belief about (or mental picture of) the future
• anticipation: anticipating with confidence of fulfillment
• the feeling that something is about to happen 

Definition of "deal breaker":
any issue or factor that is significant enough to terminate a negotiation, esp. in business or politics

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/deal+breaker