The seduction of "What if?"

I have come face to face with my own expectations and wrestled with them several times over the years. Every time I realize in my marriage that I am again dealing with an expectation, not reality, I am humbled again. Marriage is tough enough without my romanticized fantasies. Now that we are into our marriage a few years, I find a new weed popping up "What if?"
http://spheresofgrace.blogspot.com/2010/01/great-expectations.html

Opportunities often arise in life that require a decision from my husband and I, either individually or as a team. Other times situations happen to us either by the decisions of others, or sometimes sin taints our lives in ways we didn't imagine. Those are the times I find myself haunted by "what if?" and if there was something I could do to change or prevent the outcome we received, then perhaps I had a chance to change the outcome, and just missed my opportunity. In fact the more I think about it, I really truly should receive a "mulligan" a "do over" so that I can get what I want. I think back to the countless times I went over in my mind and discussed with my husband the pros and cons of taking a different job last year. I occasionally still find myself seduced by the fact that if I had said something different, or done something different, or increased company income more, the decisions would have been different. I am also incapacitated at times with how I could have made things happen my way if I just tried harder. This drive, obsession even,  implies that I have control over my future, or the future of my marriage, or the future of my family. Interestingly I find this quote by C.S. Lewis the most refreshing, and able to snap me out of my obsessions, so that I am no longer  mesmerized by "what if?"

"'Oh, of course. I'm wrong. Everything I say or do is wrong, according to you.'
'But of course!' said the Spirit, shining with love and mirth so that my eyes were dazzled. 'That's what we all find when we reach this country. We've all been wrong! That's the great joke. There's no need to go on pretending one was right! After that we begin living.'"
C.S. Lewis The Great Divorce http://users.on.net/~muller/Christ/Csquotes.shtml


Of course I am wrong. Of course my decisions were wrong. 
I love the notion that God loves me through my blindness, and that as I open my eyes to the blessings in my life,  I will enjoy even more what he so bountifully gives me. 
 

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!" Luke 11:11 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke+11&version=NIV

My Father in heaven wants to give me good things. It means though, that I have to trust that He will give me my heart's desires in His time, even though it may be in a different manner than I had planned. 


Blessings to you and yours!!